Well it's happening.
My beautiful neighbor/adopted grandma Ms. Carol who lives next door took a drastic turn for the worse over this past week and hospice has been called in.
She's bedridden and I know that some day this week I'm going to wake up or come home and realize she's gone.
I'm going over to see her/say goodbye tomorrow.
Let me just say, I am feeling so selfish right now.
I want her HERE, I don't want her to leave me and all the other people who love her and care for her.
Death is so confusing. Especially from a Christian perspective. We're supposed to be happy for them because they're in a much better place and they're with Jesus but what about us? What about me? The ones left behind??
All I can say right now is if you're going to see me sometime this week, please don't expect me to be normal. Because I'm not.
Oh, Olivia, I am sorry!
ReplyDeleteLet me just say, wanting her here with you is not necessarily selfish. You love her, and you've learned to expect her being there. When someone is dying, one of the true signs that they are loved are the mixed emotions you seem to be feeling. You want them with you because you love them, but you know they're going to heaven, so you want that, too, because you love them. You ultimately do want what's best for her, I can tell that through the way you write about it. But it is confusing. However, we find joy in the fact that they are in a better place with no sin/pain/tears/suffering and that someday we will see them again there, and our love will be perfect for them and theirs for us, unlike it was here on earth. You may have even felt it to be perfect, but imagine that even BETTER! That is the joy we feel when someone goes to be with the Lord. They won't have to suffer anymore, we will see them again, and we will love each other perfectly! I think that's a wonderful thing, personally!
I totally understand where you're coming from being sad, though. My grandmother passed away last year, and I had wanted her to be at my wedding (whenever that will be) and I was pretty disappointed. Fortunately for me, I hadn't seen her much in the last ten years so it wasn't as hard for me when she died as I know this must be for you.
So really, all I can say is keep hanging onto God's promises. He knows what's best and this is going to be best for you and everyone else, too!
Love and prayers,
Ruth